


Karkat Gets a Horrible Goddamn Haircut and Breaks Things

by fierytheangelsfell



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Funny, Other, bruh, comedic, heehee, horrible haircut, i mean REAL bad, le epic, literally wrote this to vent about my terrible haircut, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26367523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fierytheangelsfell/pseuds/fierytheangelsfell
Summary: Small story written while mad about a shitty haircut that I got about an hour prior.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Karkat Gets a Horrible Goddamn Haircut and Breaks Things

"IT FEELS LIKE I JUST PAYED SOMEONE 15 FUCKING CEAGERS FOR SOMEONE TO BURN DOWN MY HIVE, RAVISH MY WIFE, AND THEN PISS IN MY EYES!"

The hive was a mess. Posters torn, books thrown, tiny, pointy bite marks on doorframes. Mr. Vantas had made it so -- and in less than about 15 minutes. Impressive stuff, if there was a game being played with a sweet prize, and in order to win, you had to completely trash your belongings. Karkat would have won that game, hell, he would have made it into the Alternian Tome of Ultimate Achievements, a popular book published yearly. It details all sorts of incredible feats. Most heads kicked off shoulders, most blood let from an opponent (WITHOUT them dying), roundest cookies baked, truly thrilling stuff. 

Well, it's getting off topic, but in short -- Karkat would have been published in that book for making a mess of incredible size and scope.

A small fire was burning in the kitchen trashcan, wildlife was inside knawing away at wires and knocking over glasses of various liquids, and water damage was destroying the hardwood floor. Nepeta and Sollux, despite the commotion, were entirely indifferent. Sitting on the couch, bored, and watching reruns of "EXECUTION NIGHT, LIVE!" The Television, quite extraordinarily, was one of the few things left unscathed by Karkat's 15-minute-long unconTrolled (hehe) rage. 

A thud, another thud, and a final thud were heard overhead -- immediately followed by silence. 

"Karkat are you done?" Sollux yelled out, eyes moving from the television screen. "We have the volume maxthed out and I want to know if I thoud turn it down or wait until the nexth theorieth of ungodly thounds."

A muffled sound resembling that of a very angry gnome-like creature called back, sounded out the words "SHUT THE HELL U--" before being interrupted by more clanging and commotion as a black bowling ball fell down the stairs and into the living room.

Now, with that mental image in your brain, imagine that the bowling ball was actually a person, and that person's name was Karkat Vantas. 

"I'm mad."

"We know." Responded the couch-dwelling duo. 

Karkat got up, wiped off his sweater, and stormed into the kitchen. 

"Everything I have worked so hard for is RUINED! FUCKING RUINED! I doubt it will EVER GET BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS!"

Sollux looked around at the debris. "Well I'm thure as hell not cleaning thith up." 

"Not the house, you moron. MY HAIR." Pointing to his temple, and a familiar, though much shorter and poorly cut mop of hair at its crown. 

"Karkitty, it's one bad haircut. If you're really that upset, I can take you to a groomer I know. They have to tie you to a table -- but it usually get the job done. It'll all grow back in a few weeks anyway, meow bad can it b-" 

Karkat pointed to the sign in the kitchen, which read: 

"In this house, we believe in:  
*̸̧̕iņc̴͠ơh̡͝e͠r͜҉ę̨n̷̡͡t̕ ̶̧sc̢̡ra҉ţc̴h͞i̵n̢g ̵̢  
͝ơ͜v̛e̶r҉̵ t͠hȩ͜ ͞o̷̸҉rigin͜a͢l ̸͝te̕͠x̷͟t*̡  
NO FUCKING CAT PUNS"

Nepeta hissed, and then focused her attention back to playing with a rubber band and aiming it at Sollux's forehead. 

"My life is over, Nepeta. My hair and my self-confidence just had a flaming katana cut through it. Well, it actually had a small pair of scissors cut through it, but that's not the point I was trying to make. The point is that my hair is ruined and I look like a ball of fucking goof." Karkat ran his hands through his depressingly short locks, visibly upset with the lackluster length. 

"I want to go for a walk." Nepeta sighed, slipping onto the floor and then scampering to the door. "You could come with and take your mind off of things. :3"

He looked to the ground, now covered in little pieces of food and paper. "Yeah sure, I'm coming."

\---

The night air was cool, crisp even. Between late sunset and twilight, the Alternian sky seemed to be covered in a soft blue hue. Little swells of wind disrupted the orchestra of insects sounding around the sparse, but abundant flora. (A cricket named William was on the Cello, and he was so proud of his performance, he wanted to be credited in the telling of this story.) 

Nepeta and Karkat walked along a dusted trail, cutting through tall, untamed grass. It seemed like the night was still -- but alive. Chaotic -- yet calm, listening, yet indifferent. 

"Karkitty, why do you care so much about your stupid hair anyway? I think you severely overestimate the amount of people looking at you." She continued to walk with her face down, and focusing intently on removing the rubber band now tightly, and accidentally tied around her fingers.

"I care because it's who I am -- to myself AND other people. If someone chooses to draw a picture of me, what do they usually draw first? The HAIR!" He shouted, crossing his arms and looking up.

"Again, I reeeally think you're ovpurrestimating how much other people pay attention to you. ALSO I'm allowed to make cat puns, as we're no longpurr inside your house, heehee :3333"

The crack of a branch falling to the forest floor broke the white noise of the night, directing her attention away from the loosened band around her fingers. Moving her eyes back to where Karkat was walking, she was met with a look of unsurprised disapproval. 

"We never know how long we're going to be around -- things happen out of nowhere all the time. You didn't plan fur this, but given enough time, it'll be gone, and you'll have bigger, diffurrent problems to deal with." She grunted, and the rubber band migrated from tying her right hand, to now having itself wrapped around her left.

"I know it's temporary. I'm not mad about never getting my hair back. I just think it looks shitty and makes my head look longer than it is. I can feel the wind against my temples, GOD this fucking sucks." He stopped and shifted his weight. 

"I just feel like a part of me is gone. A part that in a stupid way, defines who I am. It's going to take a while before I look like me again. Right now I look like some douchebag. I'd like to look like some douchebag named Karkat."

"Well, that IS who you are, right?" She said, picking at the rubber band.

"What?"

"That's who you are!" She sang, as the knot loosened. 

"Yeah, and?"

The rubber band finally flung free from her fingers and into her right palm. 

"Hair or no hair, you're still the same Karkat. :3"

He stared off into the horizon. 

"Yeah, I guess."


End file.
